Frantic or selfie-obsessed? — here’s what your favourite UK coffee shop says about you

Whether you’re a double espresso girly, strictly into herbal tea, or a seasonal pumpkin spiced latte lover, you’ll likely have a go-to high street spot for your beverage of choice. 

Some of us can be pretty religious when it comes to coffee shop culture – and you can learn a lot about someone from their favourite chain.

Each brand has its own energy, different breed of customers, and lighting varying from subtle to straight-up offensive.

The question is – what does your preferred hot drinking hole say about you? 

For a tongue-in-cheek investigation, I spent a week coffee-shop-hopping, making notes and attempting to pin down the vibe of each one; like David Attenborough, only with more baristas.

Here’s what we found, with a Metro vibe verdict for each one.

Starbucks

Vibe verdict: Striped shirts and sweater vests

I’ll admit it, I wasn’t actually looking forward to coming here, as Starbucks, for me, represents a place that’s full of people while simultaneously being absolutely devoid of all life; zombie land for pumpkin spice fans.

However, my trip to the home ofsturdy latte mugs and wood-strong decor was actually more action-packed than I’d expected.

There weren’t many seats available among the businessmen and teenagers training to be TikTok creators when I arrived at the West London branch on a Thursday afternoon. But I managed to cram myself in next to a couple studying together – who soon began aggressively snogging and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to find a bucket to throw up in because they pretty quickly jumped up and abandoned their flat whites, presumably to ramp things up at home.

Plus, as it turns out, the staff are totally full of life. I actually almost teared up at one point watching two staff members (in matching reindeer ears, no less) go outside and hand out hot chocolate samples to people on the street.

It might have been a shameless stunt for their social media, but it got me hook, line, and sinker.

Best seller: Latte, £4.40

Costa Coffee

Vibe verdict: A creche for everyone

This place and I have history. When I was 13, spending every Saturday stalking boys in town, I’d waste hours in Costa drinking mango and passionfruit coolers and eating bacon baps with my mates. It’s where my mum went for coffee mornings, where we’d go for a hot chocolate after a trip to the doctors – it was somewhere familiar and easy. 

And today I realise that it still carries this great sense of community. In the nearly two hours it took me to finish an oat vanilla latte, I caught sight of everything from builders huddled round a table mid-shift drinking cappuccinos to mums making the most of the slightly tatty amrmchairs and sofas for a debrief after a chaotic week over cake; the clientele really runs the gamut.

The only downsides to this is that you perhaps might also bump into a community of mini Karens here. Costa might not exactly be cool, but its extravagant list of sugar-filled drinks attract a wealth of teenagers, who are inherently terrifying and guaranteed to judge you if you order a drink they deem unacceptable.

Despite all this, I still think Costa still has a lot going for it – earning extra points for its Chicken Shawarma Flatbread.

Best seller: All Day Breakfast Wrap: £5.70

Gail’s

Vibe verdict: West London personified

Gail’s is arguably one of the most controversial coffee shop chains in the UK. You only have whisper the word in some circles and you’ll get your head bit clean off.

One of the main reasons for this is because some communities feel Gail’s has directly contributed to the gentrification of their neighbourhoods. In fact, when it was announced the chain would be opening a new outlet in South London recently, independent businesses expressed their dismay at the impact it mght have on them.

Still, for the sake of our experiment, I arrived at the coffee shop with an open mind – but left having experienced some of the most overwhelming two hours of my life.

The decor here is modern and clean – like a yummy mummy’s Saturday morning. Hyper-focused on aesthetic, the cappuccino cups are small and delicate, while fresh baguettes line the exposed brick walls. And while the food is on the more expensive side,it’s fair to say the quality matches up.

However, such a slick operation felt in total contrast to the sheer chaos of its patrons.

Gail’s customers can be split into two categories: rich mums and rich students. The amount of prams and University College London ID badges I came across in the High Street Kensington branch was astonishing.

Over egg soufflé breakfast brioches (which I have heard are delicious) and pistachio and chai cookies, the topic of conversation ranged from garden extensions to pension plans. At one point, two young girls (who I’m assuming were students) even began debating whether it was more valuable to unpack Sylvia Plath’s entire works through a Latin or a Greek lens.

Best seller: Cinnamon bun: £4.45

Caffè Nero

Vibe verdict: Motherland

I have to admit, I am a Caffè Nero girl – it’s my favourite coffee chain and somewhere I frequent regularly. My parents are die-hard stans too, and I plan to encourage my own children to follow a similar path.

However, it is not without fault. The food options are pretty abysmal and you will likely spend most of your time waiting in line behind a boomer who can’t decide whether or not they’re adventurous enough to try the new pecan spiced latte.

But, once you get past that, Nero has a warm energy. When I visited on a Tuesday morning nursing a big, welcoming cup of syrupy coffee, I sat across from two couples, one in matching navy blue and one in matching salmon. It totally made my day and almost made me believe in love again… Almost.

The kind of conversations I eavesdropped on tended to revolve around fellow patrons’ family admin; dinner reservations, plans for grandma’s 80th birthday, or finding a spot in the calendar for a pub trip with the girls from work.

Here, the walls are dotted with random stock images of cobbled streets and cappuccinos, offering a little slice of Italy. Why go to Rome when you could just go to Kent, right?

Best seller: Flat White: £4.15

Pret A Manger

Vibe verdict: Frantically functional

I think out of all the coffee shops I visited, Pret A Manger serves the most varied kind of customers.

The second I walked in, head slightly throbbing from the amount of syrup I’d consumed in Nero shortly before, I spotted a woman with nine-inch long acrylics sat next to a man in his 60s sporting a flat cap and tweed.

The thing with Pret is that it’s aspirational. It stocks so many different types of juice alongside a large fruit section, this place makes you want to be better and eat better. You can basically walk out of there as though you’ve been reincarnated as Joe Wicks himself.

Pret A Manger is also, coincidentally, the best-lit coffee shop I visited – perfect for pre-work selfies. 

That being said, in my opinion, there are far too many stools and there’s never enough room to properly manoeuvre yourself. Ultimately, you just end up bashing everyone around you with your far-too-large work bag.

Sadly everything about this chain screams ‘don’t stay!’, from the uncomfortable seatingto the fact almost everyone perched inside the café is drinking from a takeaway cup.

For me, it’s a mid coffee shop. The customers are neither interesting nor offensive. It’s reliable. But it’s also just… there.

Best seller: Tuna Baguette: £3.99

Joe & The Juice

Vibe verdict: The gym selfie crew

If Costa screams ‘community’, this place (in my experience anyway) yells ‘you can’t sit with us’. With juice on the brain, no-one here is looking to commiserate over a Victoria sponge with you.

I definitely fell victim to the chain’s hype a few years back – when the entire UK decided that its signature mix of Tuna and Avocado (aka the Tunacado), was more addictive than any Class A. But over the years it’s lost its appeal for me.

I strolled in on a Thursday morning and was immediately confronted by the overwhelming stench of health. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about promoting a particular brand message – the problem is that it feels so performative, as though everyone is trying to convince themselves they’re content sipping ginger shots and nibbling at acai bowls.

While there weren’t too many other customers, the few I did spot make a big impression. One eerily beautiful girl, sat to my side, had three phones and her bags that took up so much room you would think she was the next guest on Jeff Bezos’ trip to space.

A man sat a few tables away from me, dressed head to toe in athleisure, was also encumbered by multiple bags – lounging across two armchairs as if he’d just crossed the finish line of the London marathon.

While Nero uses wall art to trick guests that they’re in Italy, here they use it to fool guests into feeling like they’re in a hipster suburb of Los Angeles, as they drink eye-wateringly expensive juices made by staff who unironically wear sunglasses inside.

Best seller: Spicy Tuna Sandwich: £9.60